The Naked Troll Project

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thanksgiving Mega-Chowdown-Post

This post has LOTS of bad language so its more fun.

Alright it took me longer than Sunday to post because I am still reeling from camping out in front of Best Buy like an idiot. I think I've developed a allergy to chocolate and a fear of the cold. Luckily I was able to chronicle this event with all the paper I brought to do my homework on, which I clearly did not do. If you want to read my analysis on the Wii just skip right on down to the end of this post. I was camping out with my two buddies Tim and Elena.

Friday 2:51 PM

It is fairly nice out although slightly chilly. I showed up at 1:00 PM and I was the first in line until Tim and Elena showed up. The reaction from the sales staff is fairly encouraging. They said they would party with us tonight. Tim and Elena left about 15 minutes ago thus securing my place in line. The tent is comfortable and kinda cozy though I do not believe we will actually have to camp out for this thing. Supposedly the news will be back here again, I hope for irony's sake that Tim and Elena miss it. The public reaction seems to be fairly nice though Tim's mom showed up in a boiling rage and threatened to call the police. I believe this is an idle threat and I would not like to be here alone for 3 days. I am afraid of being robbed, however I really have nothing to take. They can have the tent and the useless crap Tim brought. The Pepsi will be useful in ensuring that I do not go mad and lose too much fluids in this ordeal. I have brought plenty of paper to record this event and will be taking pictures. Supposedly there will be a meteor shower tomorrow, I am very excited for this. As a side note children cry for no reason aside from the need to cry. Since I am a horrible person I thought this was funny so I took a picture of it.

Friday 8:00 PM

People keep asking about the PS3s and I keep having to tell them that we are camping out for the damn Wii. Also something interesting to note is that weird scene goth kids hang out at best buy. I find it fairly comforting and calming just watching people go by. Sometimes I talk to them and it ranges in topics anywhere from why the hell I'm camping out to politics. Fox news showed up and interviewed the people who waited in line for the past 3 days. They ended up buying 3 PS3's which the immediately ebayed. I love the feeling of being inside the tent with the doors up and hearing them comment as they walk by. The cops never showed up from that threat before. I cannot wait for this to be over, already I am going to be sexiled tomorrow. I wish Tim could have found someone other than Elena to bring. Or say if I had a buddy or a companion, but alas I feel like the third wheel on a bike. This is the third time today they have abandoned me. I think I rightfully get the first Wii due to the psychological trauma, plus I've never left the post and have remained ever viligant and untempted. I wish there was someone here with me those sons of bitches. I am unsure when I will sleep tonight I already tried but realized I have to record the events of what happened. Dinner was a bagel with ham. My little cousin is going to spot me some money in order to buy a bunch of crap on Sunday. I do enjoy the solace. I need to write more frequently in order not to forget what happened earlier. There were a lot of funny moments today.

Saturday 8:00 AM

Last night I ended up meeting up with Sam who ended up hanging out with me for a while. Tim and Elena left yet again so I decided fuck it I'ma go get a drink. So Sam and I went to John Harvard's to get some booze. When we returned Emily was in the tent with Tim and Elena suprisingly they weren't pissed at all. Emily had brought two pizzas from papa ginos. We ate about one and a half pizzas all together and shared the rest with people wandering by. Sam put on his wizards cloak for warmth. Don't ask me why... But he did have a wizards cloak. Eventually Slade showed up and started yelling things. That eventually ended with me in a shopping cart being pushed around. Slade/Sam/Crew ended up leaving after a good time. Emily remained in the tent with us for a little while. The best part of that evening was Emily freaking out whenever a car came by. She would open the tent door and poke her head out at each passing car. I compared her reaction to that of a dog's. Whenever she poked her head out I would start making barking noises to make fun of her, "WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!" Eventually she left and it was just the 3 of us again. There was an aftermath from Emily though. She is the worlds fucking messiest eater, there were chips everywhere I don't know how she could miss her mouth so spectacularly that a potato chip ended up on the opposite side of the tent as her. I ended up going to sleep around 1 AM. The lights were on the entire time so I could not sense the passage of time from within the tent. Sometimes I woke up and could hear Tim and Elena talking. My response to it the first time was to raise my hand and flip them off so hard that it hurt my hand. The second time it happened which was around 6:00AM I just started screaming obscenities because that's just the way I am. I started yelling about aqua pods and how I must quench my unending thirst. I decided if I were to get another dog it would be named aquapod. Before this though the best buy crew showed up around 4 Am. They were talking about how we are a bunch of dumbasses and I whole heartedly agree. Shortly after they entered the store they started doing cheers and shit. Best Buy is secretly a band of guns for hire. Back to 6 AM some guy showed up and started asking about selling us a PS3. And we were asking if he was selling it for $250 to which he responded no $3. Around 6:30 is when I got up to go to the bathroom at starbucks. As I'm returning some jackass with a leaf blower who is just wandering around blowing shit in random directions because there are no fucking leaves on the ground. The guy is a public nuisance and just stands by our tent for a while with the leaf blower going. At 6:45 a second group of campers show up we officially have neighbors. The guy's name is Oliver and he's pretty awesome... He brought his Nintendo DS so we can metroid battle. Tim and Elena leave once again cause they are tools I started calling people and nobody picked up. The other guy leaves me to watch his stuff and everything is good. The next event in the best buy training session is beginning. A bunch of employees exit the building and a couple start babbling about how they need to constantly drink in order to be happy. About 5 minutes later the rest of the store comes out and lines up.. They keep making jokes about lining up for the wii. Everyone is getting into it and yelling, "WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" I hope Tim and Elena come back soon so I can go get cleaned up. I am alone again.

PS. I went to go to the bathroom in best buy and after I had finished I overheard some guy talking about, "Some guy destroyed the bathroom and I almost vomited" I felt so good after that.

Saturday 1:26 PM

My friend George offered me sexual favors and 60 dollars to cut in front of the Wii line. I said no deal because it would be unfair to the rest of the campers and I don't roll that way. The issue currently is somewhat resolved with my offer for him to spend the night with us i the tent. Tonight is the night of the comet-storm I cannot wait I was also told that drag racing is held in shoppers world late at night. Two things to look forward to tonight. Tim and Elena have entered a relationship like I guessed would happen earlier. Sam made good on his doughnut offer. Oh GOD DAMNIT my pencil just and out of lead this is an unfortunate situation. I may have to go to office max in order to fix this. People keep harassing us over why we are here so Tim crafted a sign using a weird near unreadable flowery font. This sign in-fact stops NOTHING everyone walking by still asks. More crying children appear on the scene, I think children just hate best buy with a passion. My boss bought us lunch today because he is a fucking super hero... Best boss ever. It is colder today than yesterday and it will be significantly colder tonight. I heard its going to be 30 degrees tonight. Its definitely in the upper 30's right now. My neighbors all seem nice. Someone else just moved in next to Oliver.

Saturday 8:30 PM

Holy fuck we are almost done! Thank sweet god! My Esophagus is melting inside of my body. This guy named Mickey bought us 1000 pizzas to feed the troops. 26 People showed up and George (that dirty bitch) did not. Everyone made fun of Tim and Elena in the tent. It was hilarious. It hurts to be alive right now, I think I ate too much. God Damn for the sake of tradition I should puke next to the mansion tent. (Illegible scribbles)

Saturday Night

Since that last entry is so confusing and incoherent I need to fill everything in after the fact. People started showing up at around 6:30 ish and we had a line of about 13 people by then. I met this kid named Mike who had camped out for the PS3 and was running on about 8 hours of sleep for 5 days or so. We started saying completely bullshit answers to the people walking by as to why we were here.

Here is a list of what we said.
-We are camping out for the Xbox
-We are camping out for the Nintendo 64
-We are camping out for the Turbographics 16
-We are camping out for the 3DO
-We are camping out for the sale on Friday
-We really like Best Buy
-We are urban campers, it's a new fad.
-We are time travelers making a pitstop in your time before continuing further into the past. We need to hunt some dinosaurs in order to ensure that an oil pocket will form in this area to make us rich.
-We are here for the revolution
-We are here for the charity
-We are a religious group
-We live here
-Why are you here?
-Do you hear the voices too?

Anyways continuing on with the story this tent of people from Brandeis showed up. They had the biggest tent of them all with three rooms and a patio. We immediately made fun of them and called them the mansion tent, "Yes go back to your mansion and drink your champagne." Also around this time this guy named Billy showed up because he works at best buy. He signed the glorious list that we had made and set up his crap. Which was an air mattress and a sleeping bag, we worried for Billy and the fact that he probably wouldn't survive the night. Next to show up was this guy named Mickey, he asked us if we can reserve a place in line for him if he bought us pizza for the first 3 tents. We said, sure but if you don't come back were gonna cross you off the list. So Mickey leaves and we are unsure of whether he is coming back or not. Slade shows up again and brings the much missed homoerotic tendencies back into the fold. Wow... Anyways Mickey showed up again and brought us about 12-13 pizzas which is way more than we could eat in the first 3 tents. We had our fill and then extended the offer to the rest of the people in line, which they gladly accepted. Even the mansion tent got to eat with us. While we were eating a kid showed up that looked really familiar. I thought he looked a lot like this kid named Chris I used to hang out with.
He responded with, "No its Stephan"
"Oh my god... I used to make fun of you 8 years ago"
"Yeah its Costas you tard!"
"OH SHIT!" and then Stephan basically is in a state of shock and we high five and whatever else people who haven't seen each other in a long time do. So he ate pizza and we talked about the old times of playing Star Fox and how we were neighbors. A bunch of people were hanging out and me and one of my other old friends decide to go to starbucks for hot chocolate. So we did and it was good... Till about half an hour later when the horrible pain started. I couldn't move without hurting. I did the only thing any red blooded American would. I went into the best buy bathroom and started puking like a motherfucker. It went on for like 10 minutes and I was wondering what the people in the other stalls were thinking with this going on. So I end up coming out of best buy again with an empty stomach and the feeling of death is slowly subsiding. I end up talking to some people about it and this guy named Tuttle said, "That was you?" which I responded with, "yeah". He said that I sounded like an ogre in there. Which made everyone laugh which is equal to mission accomplished. So the night went on and the madness started to set in. The sixth tent in the line which was the one right after the mansion tent was filled with Stephan and his buddies. They were the thugs of the line. Some little kids who thought they were gangsters showed up and started yelling things about the ps3 is awesome and the wii is for faggots or something. To which the 6th tent came out of their tent and started talking to them. The little kids started threatening them and I point out the fact to them that the little gangsters are a full 3 heads shorter than the 6th tent group. Fracas avoided! At around 8:06 pm the sixth tent starts glowing and the first 30 seconds of trying to understand what was going on was laughing about pot heads. Then we realized that in order for the tent to glow that much there would need to be an obscene amount of pot. So we went over because the dumbasses had lit something ablaze in their tent. We went over there and told them they were going to die from lack of air or carbon monoxide poisoning. To which they tried to douse the flames by dumping Pepsi on it. This made the fire worth and we heard... Uhhh FUCK and they threw the box out of the tent. The guy from the mansion tent that turned out to be really cool started throwing dirt on the fire. We all laughed at the 6th tent and called them dumbasses, from here on their tent was lovingly called fire tent. So later on Tim of mansion tent decided that it would be a good idea to get tanked so I joined them in going to TGIFridays. I only participated in the first round because I had vomited earlier and didn't want to upset my stomach further. The next big event was fire tent part 2. The dumbasses lit their box on fire again and we came over and told them, "What the fuck is wrong with you guys?" we started laughing and Stephan brought the blazing inferno of a box out and started stomping in it. Luckily his shoe got stuck in the box and almost lit his clothes on fire. So he got out of his shoe and pulled the damn thing out and just used dirt. My little cousin's friend got dropped off and hung out with us in the line. He was number 28 in the list. My friends showed up and set up a vague rave by parking their car next to Mickey's which was on the sidewalk. They opened the trunk and started playing techno. Also they partaked in free pizza which was still available from earlier. Around 2 am I decided to crash for a couple hours. So I went into the tent and fell asleep and I woke up around 4-5 am. I was hungry and in the full state of madness, I talked to Mike who was also suffering from the same thing and decided we needed to go get food at Dunkin Donuts. So we went there and used the bathrooms and got food. I got a bagel with the most butter I've ever seen. It was literally soaking with it through and through. Its like I had more butter than bagel. I'm gonna have to order this again sometime... Anyways we get back to the best buy parking lot. Not much happens of note till around 6:30 ish again when the leaf blower guy shows up and a best buy representative starts talking to us about what we need to do in the line. To which the leaf blower pauses as much as possible near us when the best buy dude is giving his speech. Everyone thinks leaf blower man is an asshole, which he is. At around 7 AM which is an hour before we get the tickets for the Wii people start packing up tents and things and Mickey starts barking out orders for people to get in line. This is why we think Mickey might be some kind of ex military esque guy. Anyways Mickey gets everyone into line and yells a lot and its kinda scarry. I start making jokes about well now hes going to go down the line and execute every 10th man. Anyways we get our tickets and the line disperses. I'm saying, "Well fuck that I've been here for 3 days I'm staying in the fucking line god damnit fucking shit" So me and a bunch of other people sit in line for the last 30 minutes and I call Tim and Elena cause they are lazy fucks and went into their car for warmth. It is really fucking cold out. So best buy opens and this short guy dressed as link comes out and is having way too much fun with his job. The line re forms and starts snaking around in best buy. It was like that snake game where you have to eat the food but not intersect yourself. It was really kinda cool I wish I had taken a picture. I mean I took pictures of absolutely everything else that happened. So this was the moment of truth I was first in line and when I got up to the accessory table my mind blanked. I turned around and asked Tim, "What do I need?" Tim responded with, "You have a bag waiting for you he asked you last night." "Oh." So I with my mind blanked wandered over to the counter and bought my package. I was the first one to get a wii and I stumbled onward to "CONGRATULATIONS!!" and "GO FUCKING TAKE A SHOWER!!!" it was absolutely glorious. When I crossed the threshold of bestbuy into the cold November air. I realized something beautiful, I could leave best buy for the first time in 3 days.

To this day I have not returned.

The Wii is absolutely amazing the games play really well. Wii sports is incredible and you scream bloody murder when someone bowls better than you. Red Steel is also amazing but its harder to learn the controls. People cry and whine at first because they don't know what the hell they are doing but once they figure it out they say that this game is badass. The controls are beautiful once you get used to them and its the best console shooter experience I've ever had. Theres super power moves and sword bashing which add complexity to the game and the ability to glitch out once I figure those out. So I can be totally lame and headshot someone while running across the map. I also got the Dragon Ball Z game which I refuse to spell out fully because I don't know what the hell it means. I scream internet memes while playing it and it doubles the fun. The controls are intense and you wave around in the air while pulling off the super moves. The game gets more fun and entertaining and complex once you learn how to play. I still barely know what I'm doing because the computer completely tools on me. I unlocked 2 characters so far. Only 118 left to go. If you are thinking about getting the Wii or have a friend who has one. Go play with it. You will be converted. I have not had such a good experience with a console since... Ever.


Pictures will be up once I find the damn cable for the camera.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Large amounts of news for a lack of posts.

Again I am sorry for the lack of posts recently. I have not been able to play WoW for about 3 weeks because I've had an incredible amount of papers to write. Good news is that I'm not failing any classes. Bad news is however I need to fix up my website before this magazine article hits store shelves. I'm going to be in the december issue of Massive Magazine. Theres an interview in it and I hope I got portrayed in the way I had hoped. Which is a goofy bastard who writes things about a videogame that he played naked.

So heres the bad news. My graphics card shit the bed, which means its artifacting heavilly and I can't get any work done in my regular life or play games till this damn thing is replaced. I won't be able to play wow this weekend till sunday afternoon at least. Which means no posts till Sunday night.

Here we go... heres the reason I wont be able to post till late sunday night. My friend has convinced me that he and I need to sit in front of best buy for three days. By sit I mean camp out for the Wii. I actually couldnt care less for the Wii I mean I'll buy it if it turns out I get paid tomorrow. However if I didn't I'll camp out anyway for the social aspect. I'm a nerd for sociology and I want to know what makes this mass insanity tick. There will be pictres taken and I will report my progress. You get to see me become grungy and creepy over the course of three days.

See ya sunday!

Interesting Facts:
-Naked Warrior is now 18
-I think the other naked projects crapped out...

Artifacts in the posted image:
-My bicep is missing
-One of the verticies from some tree is warped and placed somewhere out in the distance.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006



Friday, November 03, 2006


Well... I had to attend to things in real life and I'm glad I got a little break from WoW. You know... dealing with the physical world is excellent, theres food and things to be had. Oh yeah and papers and midterms and things thats what happened.

Along with dealing with my education I also got to appear on a podcast put on by All Games.

Here is a link to the radio stream.

Its defenatly worth a look because it gets goofy as hell towards the middle of the actual portion I'm speaking in. We get so far off topic its incredible, I love how absolutly crazy that interview was. They have this thing going on where they talk to a MMO corrospondant and I was on last thursday. This thursday was everquest and this guy was serious business. I'm intrigued by the stark contrast between our personalities with myself being this goofy guy whos really playful and doesnt take the game too seriously where he seems to be all about the serious business aspect of this.

Do I count as a hardcore mmo gamer? I mean I don't really take this too seriously but... I did beat the game naked.

Interesting Facts:
-Naked Warrior is now level 17