I logged back in for the first time in about a month, I patched up and was really excited to go. I select Mal'Ganis and am immediatly greeted with the familiar queue. I immediatly make a blood elf paladin because I can't resist trying out something new for the first time since I've started the naked troll project. I lasted about 10 minutes in blood elf newbie land. Its a complete acid trip, theres constrasting colors everywhere. I saw a big floating angry face, brooms sweeping around, flying mana fish and a plethora of anime styled characters running around screaming profanities. It was a frightening and strange technicolor place, I know I will have to return there someday. Then I made a Draeni shaman, it was much more grounded in reality and less the madness created after the artists drop acid and yell at each other for a while about what they saw. I'm gonna have to say I love the feel of the Draeni characters more so than any other mainly because they are so different. They even have their own accents which I thought was a nice touch. The area had kind of the same look and feel that the undead starting area did with the same journey down a hill into civilization. Except with giant purple crystals from their space ship or whatever these guys slammed into the planet. Luckilly the starting zone is filled with what can only be described as tiny tiny mothras.
So now that I was done with a brief trip to try out the new races I decided, screw this I'ma get to 70 and then try out these new wonderful things. I log on Juffowup and start wandering around to my usual hunting spots and then I realize, wait a minute... where are the outlands? So after about an hour of asking people how to get to the outlands they tell me that I have to go through the dark portal in the blasted lands. I really should have known that but I thought it would be too obvious. So I approach the dark portal I have a sinking feeling in my gut as I come closer to the whirling vortex of terror. I enter and through it lies a blasted destroyed world, and a gigantic staircase. I wonder why blizzard loves putting decents in their artistic and thematic choices. So I go stumble around and see this massive fight between the largest things I've ever seen shooting fireballs and things everywhere, but then I notice that there is quest givers and just ignore the fracas in front of me. I babble with them for a while and get sent off to the first town in this new wretched place. On my way there I fly over gaps that lead on forever and I look up to see a glowing ring pulsing through space. Dont know what that stuff is but it looks cool. I'm really hoping they have really impressive environments like they did with the rest of the game. So I arrive at the next town and go stumble around getting quests and killing monsters which gives me an interesting feeling since 60 is the new 50. I don't have the all powerfull feeling I had before and I feel like I need to be sheltered and protected in this hostile environment. Another thing to note is I'm pretty sure level 70's will stomp the shit out level 10's I fear for the lives of newbies everywhere. So I'm fighting things and lo and behold this crazy penis beast lunges out of the ground and starts bashing me to death. So I immediatly send some paniced message to guild chat along the lines of, "SHIT GUYS I GOT ATTACKED BY A FUCKING PENIS! WHAT THE HELL!?" Nobody responded. I think my guild has really died down in fun levels since I left, I dunno. Either way I got attacked by a giant phallic critter and I feel violated. I'm 2 bubbles into 60 now.
-I think I am actually going to enjoy this.
-Is there going to be a vagina monster too?
-That creature in the image is the legenadry penisarus.